00:00:19
Raquel Baldelomar
Hi, my name is Raquel Baldelomar, and welcome to The Mega Podcast, balancing health, wealth, and Happiness, where I speak with high achievers on how they fulfill their professional dreams while maintaining balance throughout their lives. Today I'm with Kwame Alexander, a poet, educator, producer, and number one New York Times bestselling author of 38 books. He is also the writer and executive producer of the Crossover TV series based on the novel of the same name, which won a Newberry award and premiered on the Disney Channel in Disney Plus in April, 2023. His latest book, why Father's Cry At Night, published by Little Brown and Company, is a soulful matchup of poems, recipes, and stories. And this book, Kwame Shares a moving portrait on becoming a growing man, learning how to love stumbling along the way and getting back up again. Kwame was born in New York and grew up in Virginia. His father was a minister, scholar, and book publisher, and his mother was an educator, so he was always surrounded by books averaging a tech. He took a writing class with award-winning poet Nikki Giovanni, which eventually sparked the artist within him and his future writing career. He has two daughters In his free time, he likes to play softball with his daughter. Listen to audiobooks and travel to schools across the globe. Kwame, welcome to the Mega podcast.
It's good to be here. And you did that all in one breath.
00:01:36
Raquel Baldelomar
I did. Well, you have quite the accomplishment, but I wanna start out with just your background. You grew up in a family of just artists. It's looks like your sister's a model and a, um, a model and a writer. You have another sister who's a photographer. Your father was a minister, scholar, and book publisher. Your mother was an educator. So it seems that being an artist kind of runs in the family.
Yeah, it does. You know, I, I tell people all the time that I did not find writing or, or discover this writing. Career writing found me. I don't think I had a choice.
00:02:19
Raquel Baldelomar
It just kind of came from you. It just, you just had to put the words out.
Yeah. I, I even went to college to get away from literature because our home was extremely bookish and very much centered around the power of words. And so I was, I'm gonna be a doctor. Mm-hmm.
, like I was gonna be a doctor and get away from it. And of course, you know, I, I found my way back to it, so,
00:02:45
Raquel Baldelomar
And it's a great journey. And, but you started also writing, I write, I read at 12 years old, you wrote, you started your first poem by writing a poem to your mother, and that's what kind of led to your writing career.
You really did your research.
00:02:59
Raquel Baldelomar
Right.
Um, dear Mommy, I hate Mother's Day because in my heart, every day is Mother's Day. And I love you dear Mommy . And she cried like she loved the poem. And of course I look back on it, that was a horrible poem. But I think what it did for me is it just showed me that words, you know, are really powerful. Yeah. That they can have an impact.
00:03:22
Raquel Baldelomar
Yeah. Words matter.
And when you're expressing yourself, when you're sharing the things that matter to you, you can, uh, you can make someone's day. You
00:03:31
Raquel Baldelomar
Absolutely can. And I love what you say, you know, you do a lot of tours with schools. I love, you've traveled to 2,002,000 schools across the country. Across the world. Across the world. And you say, kind of your motto is changing the world one word at a time. I think that really is beautiful because words do matter, especially to these young kids who think that words are just words. They're not really, they're, they're, they don't really matter. So why, why choose words as your medium to change?
Well, I think, you know, a lot of teachers and librarians, or let me speak for the ones that I had mm-hmm.
growing up, they thought that they had to tell us what books to read, or they had to force us to read certain books because they were forced, or they were told. And nobody ever sort of made the, uh, the connection that maybe we should let the kids choose the books, you know? And so I grew up not really interested in Tuck everlasting, and not really interested in the Good Earth. I just wasn't into it. And my teachers took that as, oh, well, he's reluctant. And I wasn't a reluctant reader. I was well read again, because I was raised by two writers and readers, I just wasn't interested in the books they were giving me. And so I've tried to spend a lot time making a, making words interesting and cool for young people, and b, reminding teachers and librarians that books are amusement parks, and sometimes we gotta let the kids choose the rides.
00:05:09
Raquel Baldelomar
Yeah. You, you also talked about being forced, you know, to force reading mm-hmm.
, uh, when you're young and sometimes you saw books as punishment because your father had forced you to read books, uh, from his publishing company. So talk about that and just how you went from being seen books as punishment to actually learning how to love books.
Well, you know, as I write about in the memoir as a child, you know, looking back on my childhood, I thought that it was pretty mean and pretty harsh to make your kid read your dissertations
00:05:55
Raquel Baldelomar
And he would quiz you on it, right?
In the checkout line at the grocery store, really?
. And so he wrote three dissertations at Teachers' College. Mm-hmm. , it was one on Adam Clayton Powell, the other on Elijah Muhammad and the other on Richard Allen, three black men in America. And looking at their, um, , they're religious, the cross, the, the cross, the crossover between their religion and their education and what they did for, for the black community. So I had to read these books and I did not mm-hmm.
00:06:26
Raquel Baldelomar
, not a, not books a 12 year old wanted to read,
No, 12 year old wanted to read it. But here's the thing, when I remember is that I read them and I actually learned a lot mm-hmm.
. Right. And there were some parts of these books that I enjoyed reading, and there was some pride in the fact that my father wrote this book, but I wasn't gonna tell him that cuz I wanted to play Atari, you know, or I wanted to go play basketball or do these things. Your 12
00:06:53
Raquel Baldelomar
Year old ,
The 12 year olds do. Um, but, you know, one of the things I thought about recently is that, cuz it wasn't just my dad, I had a, my mom and I realized that all the times he was quote, forcing me to read this stuff. She never like stepped in and said, you don't have to do that. Like, I feel like they had a plan, you know? Mm-hmm.
. And so this idea, like you said in the beginning of how did you know I come to, to writing? Or why did I decide to choose words? I honestly think that my mother and father had a plan that they sat down and said, maybe not sat down and said it, but they knew that they were going to sort of create this, try to create this, this artist, this writer who really was about trying to, to change the world one word at a time.
00:07:48
Raquel Baldelomar
And it's also too, you mentioned in the book about how you were loved. Maybe your father loved you through, through his words, through the books that he was doing. And that was his way of trying to show you he loved you in his own way.
Absolutely. That's exactly what it was. I mean, I, I know that now. Mm-hmm.
00:08:07
Raquel Baldelomar
But it's hard to see that as a, as a 12 year old. Right.
I couldn't articulate it or understand it, but I, you know, it's, it's not lost on me that I've written 38 books. I am actually doing this thing that I complained so much about as a kid. And I, I ask my kid to read my books and she's 14 now. Mm-hmm.
and I'm thinking, but my books are cool. You should wanna read 'em . But she has the same reaction, uh, like when she was younger, she would read them mm-hmm. , she's got her own life now. And I, I get it. I see it. And so it's just an interesting sort of coming full circle, you know,
00:08:51
Raquel Baldelomar
But it's also about being interesting. One of your mentors, Nikki Giovanni, I remember in the research that said to you, I can teach you how to write. I can't teach you how to be interesting.
Yeah. Every time I hear that, it just remind, reminds me of how I felt when I first heard it.
00:09:09
Raquel Baldelomar
It's powerful.
Yeah. It's powerful. And it's just, it's hard, it's harsh,
00:09:15
Raquel Baldelomar
But it's also makes you real. It's like, how do you write to be interesting to tell something, whether it's seven year old child mm-hmm.
, 14 year old teenager, a 30 year old adult, or a 60 year old, you know, grandmother, what is in, you know, it's interesting, and I think that's also true about being a writer, is it's having a point of view that you can then share, you know, and having a life of rich experiences so that you can have something interesting to talk about. That somebody, whether they're seven years old or whether they're 60 years old, they'll, they'll get something out of it.
I feel like you, like I need to borrow that exact translation, cuz that's exactly what she was saying. Yeah. Like, are you, are you live a life worth writing about? Yeah. Be a walk through life being a willing participant. Pay attention. Say yes, be engaged, be authentic, be real.
00:10:14
Raquel Baldelomar
Ben Franklin said, you either write things worth reading or do things worth writing.
00:10:21
Raquel Baldelomar
I like that. Yeah. So you studied, you talked about how you went to Virginia Tech and you actually wanted to kind of get away from book publishing and poetry. You actually studied pre-med mm-hmm.
. And then, then you took a writing class. So tell me who Nikki Giovanni was.
Well, before I took the writing class, sort of the impetus for taking the writing class was I was on campus one day and I saw this, this, this really beautiful woman who I had seen the previous year. This was the first day of school, back to school. And I had seen her the previous year, and she was outta my league. I'd seen her at a party or something. Mm-hmm.
, she was dating like basketball players and stuff. But I saw her and I remember walking up to her and just shooting my shot and reciting a, a love poem, some corny love poem that I had written. And my full name is Edward Curtis Kwame Alexander. The first two years of college, I went by Edward. I've never told anyone this. Mm. Wow. You're getting a scoop. I'm
00:11:36
Raquel Baldelomar
So glad. Thank you. Kwame
. Are people gonna see this?
00:11:39
Raquel Baldelomar
They're gonna see this. Oh, yes, they are. So now everyone knows that you told me, you told me something. I'm very honored. You told me a secret.
My third year in college, I said, I want to be called Kwame.
00:11:51
Raquel Baldelomar
Why? Why, what changed from being called Edward to Kwame?
I think I was sort of coming into my own as an activist Okay. On campus and, you know, really wanting Virginia Tech to do right by its black students wanting it to divest in apartheid. Um, so I, so I was sort, so my consciousness was rising mm-hmm.
and I, and, and Kwame is a Ghanaian name, and it, it means born on Saturday. Well, it turns out I was born on Wednesday, but my father wanted me to be, he named me after the first president of Ghana, whose name was Kwame and Kruma.
00:12:38
Raquel Baldelomar
Really?
And so I felt like, okay, I'm going to sort of be, be called Kwame to identify with that part of me this new Kwame who's who's, who's, who's emerged. And so I, I go up to her and I recite this poem and she says, she looks at me. She's like, oh, okay, I see you. She's like, I say, I don't know if you remember me, but I'm Kwame. And she said, your mama calls you Ed, I'm gonna call you Ed . And I remember like, no, my name's Kwame. Um, but I ended up writing her several poems. She ended up coming over for dinner. I had a, there was a trailer that was turned into three apartments. So I had an apartment that was as small as these two chairs that were sitting in. And I cooked her dinner and I, and I remember being feeling like I'm a poet and saying, okay, what's next? And I had gotten a c in organic chemistry or a C minus, and I'd really studied, and I said, I don't think organic chemistry, you know, biochem is the way to go. So let me try something else. Nikki became a visiting professor. I'm gonna take a Nikki Giovanni advanced poetry class because I, I know how to write poetry now because I've written these love poems and they got me a girlfriend . So it works.
00:13:56
Raquel Baldelomar
That's how it
Worked. So that's where it started. Um, I didn't, I had no idea I was gonna be a writer or a poet. I was just trying something different and new, um, in terms of my academic pursuits.
00:14:11
Raquel Baldelomar
But then you got a C in Nikki Giovanni's class
00:14:15
Raquel Baldelomar
Three C's. Yeah. And you didn't speak to her. You were so angry for getting those C's. You didn't speak to her for three years. Three
Years. Three, three years. Yeah. In fact, it was three, three and a half years. But
00:14:26
Raquel Baldelomar
Then that also motivated you though, you know, that also motivated you to say, I'm gonna, even though I got c's, I'm gonna, I'm going to pursue poetry as a profession.
Oh. Because I felt like she was wrong. Like I felt like the C's weren't warranted. Mm-hmm.
, they weren't justified. And so maybe
00:14:46
Raquel Baldelomar
She thought you weren't interesting at that point, you know, you, you were, your writing was good, but you weren't writing interesting things. Oh,
Absolutely. I mean, she, she told me, really, one of the things I just, I remember real, I remembered recently, and I gotta find this, is that our last interaction in 1990 was a letter she wrote to me. It was three pages. It was single spaced. Mm. And I feel like it was, it was typewritten. And the first line of the letter, I still remember, dear Kwame, it is unfortunate that you were trapped in an image that was the first line of the letter, really. So you can imagine where it's going. Mm-hmm.
. And she just let into me, of course, looking back on it, the fact that she took the time to write me a three page letter, like that should have been some indication that she cared. Yeah. It would take me 10, 12 years to realize that she cared.
00:15:53
Raquel Baldelomar
It was like almost her way. Like your father, a similar way of like how she showed her love to you, um, in this very tough love Right. Kind of way.
And to this day, she tells me, if you, I never gave you a Si Kwame, but if I did, you deserved it. . And then she's, and then she adds and look at you now.
00:16:13
Raquel Baldelomar
Yeah. It's a really interesting, just having, who are the mentors in your life? And sometimes the people that change you are the people that are harshest to you, but it's valuable. Yeah. Is there, is there, is there something you wanna read related to that? Yeah,
I was just thinking of, you know, I wrote this letter to my daughters,
00:16:33
Raquel Baldelomar
This is the book everyone Why Fathers Cry At Night.
I wrote, I wrote a letter to my daughters in here, and I've, uh, and I talk about this and I, I gotta find it.
00:17:00
Raquel Baldelomar
We'll pause it. The, uh, we'll pause the, uh, if you wanna, uh, we'll pause the,
I literally have no idea where it is.
00:17:07
Raquel Baldelomar
We can, so
We, I I can, I can look at it while you, we go on. Yeah.
00:17:18
Raquel Baldelomar
You visited over 2000 schools around the world since 1994. What is the purpose of visiting the schools and connecting, actually connecting with these kids across the globe? Is it, I know it's obviously to promote, you know, all of your children's books. There's, but, but it seems like you've really, you don't see a lot of authors do this. I mean, there's a real personal reward you get from seeing these young, elementary, middle school, high school kids see your books. What is that?
It's, well, first of all, it was a way of making a living. Mm-hmm.
of trying to, you know, try. I was always on this journey to figure out how to make a living as a writer. And so my first writerly job out of college was in Arlington, Virginia. And it was, you know, I was hired as a poet in the schools, and I was paid $25 an hour for one hour a day.
00:18:30
Raquel Baldelomar
Wow.
My first school visit was, I, I, I showed up, it was, uh, the Arlington Technical School. And I remember thinking, what is a technical school? This is interesting. And I, I walked in and there was a metal detector and I thought, this is gonna be really interesting. And I was taken back to a class where a teacher was sitting at the desk reading a newspaper, and the kids were either asleep or listening to music or doing whatever. And, and I was introduced as the poet, and I was supposed to spend 90 minutes with them. I was like, I don't understand what I'm gonna do here. How is this gonna work?
And I remember standing up on a chair and just screaming. I got up this morning feeling good and black, thinking black thoughts. I did black things like played all my black records and minded my own black business. I put on my best black clothes, walked out my black dough, and Lord have mercy, white snow. I remember the kids just started laughing and they started paying attention, and I was able to do the, you know, the workshop presentation. And they were cool. And they were like, are you coming back? And I just have lo always loved to see the light bulb moment when kids get it, that this poetry thing is cool. When the tea, the teacher had put his newspaper down, he was paying attention. I love it when people, cuz I think most of us have forgotten how much we love poetry. Yeah. It was the way we learned how to speak and listen, and read and write. The lullabies, fairy tales, nursery rhymes, the rhythm and the rhyme. That's how we all Right. Learned. And so I feel like it's my job to remind us of that. I know what poetry has done for me. I mean, it got me married.
00:20:23
Raquel Baldelomar
It got you married
00:20:25
Raquel Baldelomar
Right. But also talk about how it's the balance of you, you have this passion for this art. Your art is poet poetry, but then how do you make a living out of that? Right. And you also, you talked in the book about how it also led to your divorce, you know, pursuing your career as a poet. It wasn't enough mean it at that time in your life, very early on, it wasn't enough. Right. And the poetry is also what led to your first divorce. So
Yeah. I don't know if it's the poetry or the writing or the career that led to the divorce, the
00:21:01
Raquel Baldelomar
Career, the career of being a poet.
It was more so the not recognizing that you need to get a job. Right. Like, you can do this stuff. You can, you can still write poetry, you can still publish books, but you also have to have this understanding of you have a family to take care of. And I was, I was really young and just, I hadn't figured that out because I was so gung ho, I'm gonna be a poet, I'm gonna be a writer. It was single singularly focused, you know, so it was more, it was less of the poetry, the beautiful art of that. And it was, it was more of not getting a job.
00:21:48
Raquel Baldelomar
So to the young people watching this, who, well, let's say they wanna be a poet, right? They wanna be a poet or an artist, or a musician or a painter. Mm-hmm.
. But they also, they live in la They're, they're big city. They're, they have responsibility. Right. They have to pay their rent. Right. What would you tell them? Would you, would you, what would you tell them to, how do they balance the pursuit of their artistic dream while also dealing with the reality of the financial responsibilities that they, that they have? Have you been there?
Which camera am I looking at? Who am I talking to right there? I'm talking to them. Yeah. Balance the responsibility of being an artist with being a human being who understands that they have responsibilities in this world. People to take care of, like yourselves. So there's, there is this thing that you do where you delay your gratification. Okay. You want to be an artist. You, it's, it's a, it drives you. It's your passion. And that's great. And until you get to a point where your avocation and your vocation sort of meet up where your, your passion and your profit connect, you gotta figure out a way to stay sane and stay healthy, and, and make sure you handle your self-care and make sure the mortgage gets paid and, and do all of these things that are gonna keep you, you know, growing. And so it's just a balance. It's, what did Denzel say in the movie? Um, the great debaters, and he was quoting, um, his, the actor, the character said, um, do the things you have to do so that you can do the things you want to do. It's simple as that, but it's hard to know that when you don't know, like my dad says, you can't know what you don't know. Yeah. So, I'm telling you, do the things you have to do so that you can do the things you want to do.
00:23:56
Raquel Baldelomar
I love what you said about just, there's gonna be a point where your passion and your profit meet up that they have. It's not gonna happen immediately.
It could happen immediately. It could, it could, it could happen tomorrow. Mm-hmm.
, that's what I, that was my thinking. It was like, oh, it's, when is it? I remember telling, asking Steph, saying, Steph, when is it gonna happen? When is the big payday? When am I gonna be able to do this? You know, on my way to shoes dropping me off at my, my 13th or 14th job. When is this gonna change? And she's like, oh, it's gonna happen. She would always say that, oh, it's happening. I am, I'm a 23 year overnight success. Like,
00:24:35
Raquel Baldelomar
Well, you talked about delay gratification. So that's, I mean, that is so important to all of our viewers watching this, is knowing how to delay that gratification. But you delayed your gratification for 23 years.
Yeah. And I found it extremely gratifying.
00:24:51
Raquel Baldelomar
The process. The process. Yes. You gotta enjoy the process.
00:24:56
Raquel Baldelomar
Yeah.
00:25:00
Raquel Baldelomar
You've written 39 books, your latest book, my Father's Cry Night. It's a great book. I I want you to read my, uh, the section about a grown man versus a growing man in the book. That's a beautiful, beautiful session section Kwa mean, and I love you to read that for our viewers
In, and before I read that mm-hmm.
, if you wouldn't mind, um, I want to circle back to what we were talking about with Nikki Giovanni, because part of this growing process and what I've tried to do in this book is in part a little bit of wisdom to my two daughters.
00:25:44
Raquel Baldelomar
I wanna talk about your two
Daughters so that they can grow so that they can not make some of the same mistakes, or they maybe have a leg up. Mm-hmm.
. And so the whole experience with, with Nikki Giovanni, and as you talked about, with, you know, having these people around you or people in your lives who you, who you ha who you may not recognize or realize are there to lift you up. I tell, I tell Samaya and Nandi take from this story about Nikki Giovanni, what you will, my dears, the lesson I took is that there are going to be people in your lives who did not change your diapers, who did not plan your birthday parties, who did not spank you, who did not force you to read books, who did not worry every time you had a sleepover or went to a school dance, who will show you something significant and meaningful that will matter in your life. Even when you think it doesn't, there will be people who will honestly love you like I do, like mother does. Like your mothers do. So when you find your Miss Nikki Giovanni, don't do like I did, open your arms immediately and welcome her, and don't write a play about her. That's a whole nother story. Um,
00:27:02
Raquel Baldelomar
That's great. But it reminds me just of the fact that, you know, the doors of your future are as unassuming as they are unexpected. The mentors that you come into your life, like, you don't know how they will impact your life many times until like long after they're gone. And I think it's really important for anyone watching this is to realize, to, to honor those mentors even when maybe you don't see them all the time, uh, when they're harsh on you. Like maybe how Nikki was when the seas, I mean, is, is sometimes they have their own way of showing you how they love you and, and, but they change your life. And hopefully your daughters will have similar Nikki Giovanni in their life.
Yeah. I mean, we all do. We do.
00:27:45
Raquel Baldelomar
We do. We have to seek it. We have to seek it. And we, it's a bit of luck. It's a bit of timing. But I do think mentors are so important. And, and you know, and you, you, you still had an Instagram post about having multiple mothers, and if you're lucky, you will have multiple mothers. Yeah. And I think whether it's, you'll have multiple fathers, you know, talking, you know, similar to, um, you know, I have my own, my father abandoned me when I was 10, so I had to seek out my own fathers over the years. And, and I just think that's a really beautiful, what you said about how, how you can have multiple mothers, multiple fathers, people who impact your life in a great way.
When I was writing the book, you know, I was dealing with a lot of the, the, the, the grief
00:28:37
Raquel Baldelomar
Of your mother passing. Right.
00:28:39
Raquel Baldelomar
And your, and your marriage breaking down.
The marriage, breaking down. I was dealing with a lot of anger, you know, some frustration. There was a lot of emotions going on. And I was pouring out. And I was, I remember I, I asked a friend Tota, and she, she was a relatively new friend. I had just met her in maybe three months prior. And she was a writer, and we had grown close. And I'd asked her to read it. And you know, when you ask, when I ask people to read my books, friends and stuff, I'm looking for affirmation. You know, I'm not really looking for a whole lot of criticism.
00:29:24
Raquel Baldelomar
Criticism. Right. ,
00:29:28
Raquel Baldelomar
Did she give you a lot of criticism?
She didn't give me a lot, but she said how much she really loved the book. And then she added, she didn't say, but, but you heard. And she said, you're still, essentially, she said, you're still not being as forthcoming as you need to be. And I'm like, first of all, how do you know you don't, you've only known me for three months. And she just began to sort of check me in a way that I haven't really allowed friends to do. Mm-hmm.
in a long time. And I haven't. And I definitely haven't done it with my friends. And, and she called me out.
00:30:15
Raquel Baldelomar
And do you think that made you then say, okay, I need to be more vulnerable, be more open. And in writing this book
Initially it made me, it upset me. Really? Oh, yeah. And I pushed back and I just, and, and I pushed back. And, and as I began to think about it, I realized that she was right. And
00:30:42
Raquel Baldelomar
You weren't being,
I was not being as open, I was still sort of hiding behind the metaphor. Mm-hmm.
. And then she said to me, those prophetic words that you wanted me to read about, um,
00:30:57
Raquel Baldelomar
It starts with, did not start out as a memoir,
00:31:08
Raquel Baldelomar
I have it right here.
00:31:21
Raquel Baldelomar
You can read it from there. I just love that line.
My fathers cry at night did not start as a memoir. I did not sit down and think, well now it's time to write a book about me and the woes of my love life. The book began as a collection of love poems inspired by the two greatest love of my life, my daughters. As I went deeper into the love, I went deeper into myself. And I realized that love has been the thread throughout my life. Love is love. I've given love. I've received love. I've craved, but couldn't grasp love I asked for or expected, but was denied love. I denied others love. I denied myself.
Yeah. So the thing that sh her name's Christine. Mm-hmm.
. And the thing that she said to me was, and this was sort of after she had like checked me, like, I was like, that's real audacious. You wanna stay my friend, we just been friends for three months. Why you checking me? Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . But the thing that she said that sort of made me reevaluate and say, okay, let me consider this. And she said, Kwame, you're not a grown man. You're a growing man and that's okay, but you gotta do the work. And the work starts with you just being completely honest and open and forthcoming. And I heard it, I heard it. One thing about me is I don't just like, hear something that resonates and then not move on it. Like, if I hear it and it makes sense, I'm gonna move on it. I may not do it right, then I may push back. But I heard it.
00:33:12
Raquel Baldelomar
You heard it. And that's what made this book much more personal, very vulnerable. I mean, what do you think, what do you think you're offering to your readers from all of the, from the 38 other books you've written, which are more fiction, right. Children's stories not about your personal loss. Right. And you get into loss of your relationships. Mm-hmm.
, what do you think you offer to your readers by getting so vulnerable? You
Know, I can answer that question intellectually, cuz I mean, I think we'd probably have to ask the readers what do they get from it? My hope, what I think is that through this memoir, through any memoir, there's this shared experience, there's this shared connection that, um, we are a community and in our village we are here to help each other grow. Whether or not that happens, how it happens, I don't know. But that's my hope. You know,
00:34:23
Raquel Baldelomar
It's shared the human experience. We all have those elements. Right. You, you talk about how you, how the book is really written for your daughters.
00:34:33
Raquel Baldelomar
Tell me what, tell me about your daughters and your relationship with your daughters.
Yeah, I mean my, um, I have a 14 year old and I have a 31 year old Aya and Nandi.
00:34:48
Raquel Baldelomar
And the 14 year old loves musicals.
14 year old is an actress who loves musicals. Mm-hmm.
, we've seen every musical.
00:34:55
Raquel Baldelomar
Really. That's great. So say she's an artist too.
. She is Uhhuh. , yeah. Um, the 31, the 31 year old is, is an artist in her own way. But, uh, she's more, she's, she's more of a scientist, you know, she's more of a technical artist.
00:35:17
Raquel Baldelomar
Mm-hmm.
. And those are very important engineer artists are some of the most fascinating people. I, I've met .
They are both very, um, similar in their personalities. They are feisty. They are fierce, which makes sense. They're sort of, you know, they like to be control, but they're also, you know, kind and compassionate and loving. Um, and they've taught me a great deal about how to be a father, which I'm still learning. Um, one of the biggest things they've taught me is how to listen, how to listen more to them, you know? Mm-hmm.
. Yeah.
00:36:05
Raquel Baldelomar
You talk about too how you know you, how you were loved by your own fa father and friends. Mm-hmm. Friends. It's like affected how you love your family and how, and that's something that, you know, we all need to learn how to, how to change maybe how the way we love, maybe how we love is not how they want to receive love. So
It's so true. No, and I think that's where the listening comes in, you know, paying, paying attention. And that's, that's definitely been my struggle. And one of the areas that I've been working on is how do I show them I love them in a way that they receive it mm-hmm.
, that they get it, that they need it. Like, I can do that. That's not a, a hard ask, you know? It's not a hard ask, I don't think, for me it isn't. And so if, if I can do that, I'm gonna do it.
00:37:04
Raquel Baldelomar
You talk about in the book how one of the hardest things for you was dealing with the fact that your oldest daughter stopped talking to you for some time. Right. Did that get resolved?
So I remember the moment, like, uh, she, um, she came to live with me at age 15. I remember just feeling like, yes, this is it. I get to experience this kid's last three years of high school and mold and shape her, you know? And that was really exciting for me. And it was a great three years. Um, and there were those sort of 11 years where I saw her every other weekend. Like, I don't know if you can make up for that time lost. But we had, we had great times, you know, but that, those last three years before college were great. Um, and then she became a woman and she was just out in the world doing her thing and always just extremely independent. Didn't ask for a lot, um, just really just really proud of the woman she was becoming, you know?
And sort of looked at that independence and that fierceness and just remember thinking, oh, she's good. She's got it. She's strong. And so, you know, three or four years ago when got into this, this heated argument, and we had never like, had that level of argument as adults, certainly I fussed and punished her as a kid. But when we got into this place, I engaged with her as this fierce, independent adult. And for a moment, for too long of a moment, forgot, she's just a kid and she's just my child. I forgot that because I was, I was, I I was talking to this fierce independent woman. And so I treated her in that way. And, and sh and she wasn't that woman in that. She was that kid. And so the kid in her just felt betrayed, you know? Mm-hmm.
, I get that. I understand that now. And that's a hard, it's a hard thing. As much as I talk about my father, you know, we, I've, he, he never had to go through this.
00:39:56
Raquel Baldelomar
It's, it's, uh, so much of it is, is like how you are loved
00:40:03
Raquel Baldelomar
Impacts how you love others. Mm. I remember hearing about, uh, how you, uh, you know, how you were, uh, you're not invited to your daughter's track meets now, or, or really,
Or really? You just, you just bring it all up, aren't you, ? No. Well, you
00:40:20
Raquel Baldelomar
Know, this is, you just had this in another interview because of that, and it's because of the fact that like, you were so harsh and like, but even though you, you were harsh on your daughter, but she did really, really well. She did really well. But you pushed her, but then she didn't want you to come to the track meets too. Yeah. But it's, again, it's, it's sometimes that pushing is just, it pushes them too far to the edge. Right. And I, I think it's so hard as a parent, I mean, this is, this is why I, you know, it's, it's, it's so hard to be a parent. I have so much respect for parents. Yeah. Because it's not easy. But how far do you wanna push your children to get them to succeed in the world? Because you also like you. And on one on one side, you want to treat them like an adult. Because if you don't treat them like an adult, they're, everybody else is gonna treat them like an adult. They're so, so it, but you don't wanna coddle them too. So It is, it is a real balance.
It's a real balance. It's a struggle. Um, after I, uh, after the book came out, um, my oldest daughter emailed me and she said that she was ready to talk.
00:41:29
Raquel Baldelomar
That's beautiful.
00:41:31
Raquel Baldelomar
After three years,
00:41:34
Raquel Baldelomar
What did the email say?
Um, it was real short. It was, um, um, it was Hey dad, or it was, it was, yeah, it was, Hey dad. Like, the fact that she used dad, that was all I needed. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like, didn't matter what everything, anything else she said, um, I would, um, I think I'm ready to talk. Send me a few dates that you're available. That was it. So,
00:42:08
Raquel Baldelomar
Well, I hope that it leads to more talks with her. And again, it's, it's, it's this beautiful thing of just, of father daughter relationship. I mean, it's, it's, no parent has the manual on how to be a perfect dad. Right. And how do you just try to do your best and if you try your best Yeah. That's, that goes a long way because there's a lot of people who, who don't even try. So I think that's what the book really can help people who want to try, even as flawed as they are. Right. They might not know how quite to love is, is trying is that most, that's, that's a huge, huge start.
00:42:52
Raquel Baldelomar
How would you describe your writing style? I love how in the book you have like, literally a mashup of a seven up pound cake that you baked when you were 12. Mm-hmm.
, you have poetry, you have just long form thoughts. It's a really unique style of writing. Would you, how would you describe that writing style?
Well, first of all, it, how great it would've been had I baked a seven up pound cake at 12
, but I was way older than 12 . Oh, it was, but I first ate it when I was 12. Mm-hmm. , you know, um, this book is definitely a hybrid, you know, in that poetry is sort of my first love. And it's how I communicate. It's the language I love. And that's how this book started off as just a collection of poems. But as I began to write it and I began to see the story that was, was being told, I, I can't even say. I thought I have to give credit to my editor. Um, Judy Klein, my editor, said, you should really write some prose pieces. And, and so I did to give context to the story that was developing in the poems, to give more background so that it wasn't so esoteric or metaphor. It's
00:44:24
Raquel Baldelomar
A nice, it's a nice combination because sometimes when I'm just reading poetry, I can only take poetry for so much. And then you get into prose, but then you get into one of my favorites with cooking, cooking recipes. Yes. So you have some great, uh, recipes too. So that's a nice, it's, it feels just very familial, you know? Cause it's a family isn't about just one thing. It's many things. There
00:44:48
Raquel Baldelomar
Do you want to give our viewers a poem that you think that you especially like?
Sure, sure. Um, I'll read a poem about, um, my, um, my favorite uncle growing up. Okay. Because part of writing this book was trying to f remember all the different places and spaces where I learned about love mm-hmm.
and what I carry with me to this day. And my mother's, my, my father's family, they were very like religious. And, um, it was Sunday dinners. Beautiful familial place, but it was, it was, it was, no, they were, they were, they were Christians. My mother's family, they were Christians, but they were Saturday night.
00:45:42
Raquel Baldelomar
They were partying. They were partying partiers. Oh, that's a nice combination. Oh yeah. You got the, got the very just straight lace arrow with like the partyers
. It was dominoes and spades. and chicken salad. Funny. And see, and crabs and drinks. So this is a piece called golden Time. Mm-hmm. , every now and then, when I will be in the kitchen squeezing a lemon into milk, melting butter, or pinching salt, a song will come on, let's say a Frankie Beverly. And my shoulders will start rising and spilling like a small wave, running away, like the tender heart of a southern girl. And my palms will get all sweaty and I'll whip my head like the eggs back and forth, the smile across my face, swelling with each seducing melody. And I'll forget what's in the oven. And remember how my cousins and I would lay back in the shade at family reunions and lunching on barbecue chicken and seven up pound cake, listening to the laid back groove spellbound watching how Uncle Richard and his boyfriends would bend sprightly toward the dance floor, burn it all the way up, then thrust themselves into each other, like two souls on fire with such unadulterated joy that everyone was always happy and full on love. And I just remember how, you know, we loved our uncle Richard. He was the gayest man on earth. So flamboyant. And this was during a time in the black community where, um, you don't talk about sexuality, you know, and you sh and many, many folks would shun it, not my family. Mm-hmm. , like every, we love everybody. And I remember that. And I remember him how comfortable he felt and how, and and, and how. No, and how, how it wasn't a big deal and how beautiful that was.
00:47:54
Raquel Baldelomar
Do you think you're trying to pass that on now to young kids today who may not grow up in that family where they being expressive, you know, they, it's okay to express themselves. Do you try to, cuz it seems like you actually were, you came, you were raised in a family that was very comfortable about being who you are, being strong, being confident. Right. But even today, even with all of the progress that's been made in many ways, is that there's a lot of, there's a lot of kids who are not taught to be strong. Sure. Sure. So how do you, is that part of why you think you go to these schools and try to, you know, share that to, to give a little part of what Uncle Richards
Certainly that and, and more relevantly is the writing. Mm-hmm.
, like, I feel like I try to write books that are gonna help kids find their voice. Mm-hmm.
00:48:47
Raquel Baldelomar
Lift their voice. You know, they, if, if they can connect and relate to a character that I write about, um, who is dealing with that same sort of, how do I find my voice? How can I be assured? How can I be confident and ready? You know, if they can see that transformation, then I feel like that will help them imagine sort of their place in the world. Absolutely. And I feel like so many children's book authors, you know, that's this work that we do is more than entertainment. Like, we have a responsibility to inform, inspire. And ultimately, you know, at least for me, is just try to empower.
00:49:34
Raquel Baldelomar
So hopefully you can be a Nikki Giovanni to some of these young people in your life.
Well, thank you . I accept that
00:49:43
Raquel Baldelomar
Changing, changing one, changing the world one word at a time.
00:49:48
Raquel Baldelomar
I wanna end with, uh, some q and a as we ask all of our guests. Okay. This whole show is about balancing health, wealth, and happiness.
Oh, I feel like we're about to get deep. Let me uncross my legs.
00:49:58
Raquel Baldelomar
Okay. Uncross your legs. Sit up. Okay. What would you say are your top three healthiest habits?
Well, I literally just left the spa.
00:50:07
Raquel Baldelomar
You just left. Great. You get a massage.
I, I get, I go to the spa once a week. That's great. And it's some combination of massage, scrub, um, facial, um, reflexology. Mm-hmm. So spa is important. Um, I just, you know, I lived in London for three years. I moved back last year. Where
00:50:29
Raquel Baldelomar
Do you live
Now? I live in Virginia. Okay. And while I was, I live, I was in London during the lockdown, during the pandemic. And one of the things I discovered was my love of walking. I love walking
00:50:44
Raquel Baldelomar
Outside and
Outside in parks. Yeah. Thinking, listening to audio books. Um, and probably the third thing is, I don't know what the third thing is.
00:50:59
Raquel Baldelomar
Okay. Well you can get back to me on that. One of my principles is that part of balance is having healthy vices. And I consider healthy vices things that are not necessarily that good for you, but that bring you great joy. What would you say are your top three healthy?
You own this top three thing, huh? Mm-hmm.
. I like the
00:51:20
Raquel Baldelomar
Three. I like threes. I like things in threes.
Does red velvet cheesecake count?
00:51:25
Raquel Baldelomar
Oh, that's totally vice. I food is such a vice. And speaking of food, I saw like, you're cooking all of y you, it looks like you actually do a lot of like, cooking and you use food as a way of just connecting emotionally to your mother and her recipes, right. And all of that.
00:51:42
Raquel Baldelomar
I don't consider that advice though. I mean,
00:51:45
Raquel Baldelomar
I think cooking is not a vice. Okay. Right. Agreed. But, but cheesecake definitely . Okay, great.
00:51:50
Raquel Baldelomar
Okay.
Okay. Um, so , it's all gonna be about food. Oh. Like, it's just, you know, I'm a huge fan of, uh, I was a vegetarian then. I was a pescatarian and I did not eat beef. I never, I've never eaten pork. I did not eat beef. I was at Nikki Giovanni's house for dinner one day and she made lamb chops, . And she said, Kwame, you gotta taste them. I was like, all right. I am a, there's a place in Fort Lauderdale, I forget the name of it. It's a Greek restaurant. I will go to Fort Lauderdale just to have the lamb chops at this restaurant. Really? I am addicted to lamb chops.
00:52:41
Raquel Baldelomar
Oh, you don't eat meat, but you are addicted to lamb chops.
Well, I eat meat now. Now
00:52:45
Raquel Baldelomar
You eat meat. Okay.
00:52:47
Raquel Baldelomar
The lamb. Make you change meat. Oh yeah.
Um, and, and then I guess the other healthy vice, um, wow. I feel like I'm, you're gonna ask me for three and I'm always gonna give you two. Okay.
00:53:03
Raquel Baldelomar
I don't know what the third one is. You might, you might, you might only have two. Yeah, yeah. No, food has always been like, I work out a lot so that I could then eat what I want. Mm-hmm. But it's hard, especially as we get older. Yeah. Bread is my bread is my, uh Oh,
The bread. Thank you. You're right. That's it. That's the healthy vice. Oh really? And it's in the book.
00:53:21
Raquel Baldelomar
Oh yeah. You, you, you don't eat bread. I, I read.
But there are these yeast dinner rolls that my grandmother used to make for me. Really? And have you ever had yeast dinner rolls? No,
00:53:33
Raquel Baldelomar
I have not.
So these are, you've never had them.
00:53:38
Raquel Baldelomar
I mean, I've had dinner rolls. You've had dinner rolls. Okay. I've dinner rolls. You ever
Had Parker house rolls? Yeah. Okay. So it's essentially that. It's, it's like that.
00:53:44
Raquel Baldelomar
How do you make it? What's
So, it's, it's, well, how do you make it? Yeah,
00:53:48
Raquel Baldelomar
Let's, let's give it, give tell you give our readers the recipe for your yeast dinner
Rolls. I can tell you some of my friends , uh, my grandmother every Sunday used to cook for 40 people.
00:53:58
Raquel Baldelomar
Oh, that's impressive.
And she was head of the dec the usher board. I don't know how she did all these things. However, she made the best dinner rolls and all of my cousins, like 28 of my cousins, they would be fighting over these roles. Everybody got one. You were lucky if you got, cause were only four cause
00:54:22
Raquel Baldelomar
Right? Oh yeah. That's definitely my weakness.
But she always made one pan of rolls for me. Aw. Because I was the oldest son of her only living son. And so she made a pan of rolls for me and her. Um, my cousins hated me
because I got these panel rolls. And so let's find this recipe. Oh my gosh, here we go. Oh, I reversed engineered my memory of my granny's rolls. And this is the closest I've ever come because she never wrote down the recipe. What I'm listening to while I'm cooking, this is Brighter Day by Kirk Franklin, active dry yeast, quarter cup of warm water, two large eggs, sugar, unsalted butter, salt, cup of warm milk, four cups, four cups of all-purpose flour. And the key to this is once you sort of get everything together is to let it rise. Mm-hmm. ,
00:55:24
Raquel Baldelomar
You let it proof
You. So, so you, you have it in your bowl and you let it rise for four or five hours. Oh
00:55:30
Raquel Baldelomar
Wow. That
Long. That long. It's like long. It's like long. It's a long thing. And then what makes it so, and then once you put them in the pans, once you sort of shape them and mold them, then you let 'em rise for another hour and a half. Oh really? So they've been rising for six hours or so. And so when they're in the oven, it's five, six minutes in the oven, they're done.
00:55:48
Raquel Baldelomar
Sounds amazing. Qum. That is
00:55:50
Raquel Baldelomar
See that would be best total my weakness. I mean, I'll, I will fast all day so I can have like something like that at night. So I would want a couple of those roles. Right. Um, what are small things you do every day to try to achieve balance in your life?
Um, I'll say a prayer. Prayer. Yeah. Um,
00:56:14
Raquel Baldelomar
And do you do the prayer as like a meditation? Do you, do you like get up every day? Do you have a certain, like, routine for
Doing your prayer? It could be, I'm praying for someone or I'm praying, you know, I'm meditating about something. Mm-hmm. Or you know, um, I work, I work out most mornings and when I'm on the road mm-hmm.
, cause I'm on the road a lot. I'm in the hotel gyms.
00:56:33
Raquel Baldelomar
So you're using, you're working out at gyms At the hotel. Okay. So what does your workout look
Like? It's a treadmill. Okay. Um, it is
00:56:41
Raquel Baldelomar
Use a treadmill. Do you do
Weights? It's bench press. Okay. It's curls. It's ab work. Know
00:56:46
Raquel Baldelomar
How often, how often is your workout schedule?
When I'm, when I'm, when I'm on it, it's five, six days a week. But, and when you're, most times it's three, but
00:56:53
Raquel Baldelomar
You're traveling so much now, right? I mean, would you say, I mean, especially, I mean you're, it looks like between all your tours, school visits, right? I mean you do a lot of traveling. How do you balance like the, you know, traveling, staying at hotels and working out? It's really hard to do that.
It's not, it's early, you know, it's early morning cause I'm up pretty early. Okay. But then
00:57:15
Raquel Baldelomar
You make that the first thing you do.
First thing I do. And if I don't do it in the morning, it's hard to do it later. Mm-hmm.
. But the biggest thing I do for, for self care and just taking care of myself, I am a huge fan of naps.
00:57:31
Raquel Baldelomar
Oh yes.
Oh my goodness. I, yeah, I do. You know, you can do a 22 minute nap and you're golden. I don't do 22 minute naps though. I do like naps. Naps. I
00:57:43
Raquel Baldelomar
Do like naps too.
Yeah. Oh, I don't play every day.
00:57:46
Raquel Baldelomar
That's so good. That's so healthy
For you. So I've been doing that for a while.
00:57:50
Raquel Baldelomar
You also mentioned walking and I think, you know, part of what it makes walking so powerful is, is the vitamin D you get from being outside. Like, we forget that like our bodies can't produce our own vitamin D. So when you get your vitamin D from the sun, it literally changes just, it changes the chemicals in your body when you're getting that daily vitamin D. Yep. And I bet walking in London with, it's, when it's cloudy a lot, it's like you, it's, you don't get a lot of vitamin D. So
Yeah, that's a good point. Cuz London is just a gloomy place. Mm-hmm.
. But, but I, but I definitely enjoyed the walking around regions in Hyde Park a lot. Do
00:58:31
Raquel Baldelomar
You still do the walk?
That's why I do the treadmill because it's kinda hard to walk here. Yeah. Unless you go to walking trails. Yeah. Like my neighborhood back home is not a walking neighborhood. Mm-hmm.
. So I miss that about London a lot.
00:58:48
Raquel Baldelomar
What would you say are the top three books you recommend the most?
You mean besides mine? Mm-hmm.
wifis Credit Night. Okay. Um, the top three books that I love You, you're asking to recommend for others to read. Right.
00:59:06
Raquel Baldelomar
To our readers, to our, to our, to our viewers, our listeners. What are the top three books that you would say has impacted you the most in your life?
Oh, okay. Uh, I'd probably say, um, any novel by Jay, California Cooper.
00:59:23
Raquel Baldelomar
Okay.
And primarily cause my mom loved those books. Mm-hmm.
, so I love them cuz they remind me of her, the poetry of Pablo Narita.
00:59:33
Raquel Baldelomar
Mm. He's an amazing poet.
Love poems. Oh. And, um, I'm just gonna pick some random book that just is amazing. There's this amazing poetry book, speaking of Parenting and Fatherhood by this poet named Clint Smith. It's called Above Ground. And it's, it's beautiful poetry and it's accessible. So it's not like, you know, you're gonna be feeling like, oh, this has stayed and incomprehensible. Like you'll get it. Really. And it's, and it's just beautiful. It's about a father and his relationship with his, his children and, and his wife. And it's just, it's just gorgeous.
01:00:23
Raquel Baldelomar
Thank you for sharing those with me. You're welcome. My last question is, if you could share a single message on a billboard about how to balance the combination of health, wealth, and happiness, how people can achieve that, the combination of health, wealth, and happiness, what would that message be on that billboard?
01:00:47
Raquel Baldelomar
Wealth and happiness.
Dribble. Fake shoot. Miss Dribble. Fake shoot. Miss Dribble. Fake shoot. Miss Dribble. Fake shoot, swish.
01:01:18
Raquel Baldelomar
Love that. Oh my God, I love that. Love the basketball reference. , thank you for being here, Kwame. Where can, um, our viewers find you?
Thank you for having me. This has been great. Um, you've been great.
01:01:33
Raquel Baldelomar
Yeah. Thank you for getting vulnerable and thank you for just sharing to our viewers and just to, and through this book, what it means to be a father and what it means to love. And, uh, I think it's a great book. Get this book everyone. Thank you, Kwame. But where can they find you on social media?
Um, kwame alexander.com and um, at Kwame Alexander. I'm on Instagram and, and all the socials.
01:02:00
Raquel Baldelomar
Okay. Wonderful. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you all for watching. I love you. I love you all. And until next time.